This short but insightful story is of an ordinary couple living in an unknown town during what seems like a tough time, in many aspects, during a very bleak period during a their marriage. Earl and Doreen Ober, seem to be going through life miserable but content, just trying to keep a roof over their heads and their ignorant and silent children.
The story, and the lives of Earl and Doreen, seem to take a turn when one night at the coffee shop, Earls own personal insecurities are tested when he over hears two callous strangers insulting Doreen's appearance, weight and the thick black veins along her leg as she reaches for some ice-cream at the bottom of the freezer. Instead of defending his own wife against the two pigs at the table Earl runs away ; shy and humiliated over flaws he never seemed to realize until now. This cowardliness on Earls part to stand up for Doreen suggests a lack of passion or even love within the marriage and hardly any devotion for his wife.
Soon after the incident Earl forces Doreen to see the flaws, making her stand in front of a mirror, humiliating herself and pulling at the changes that come with aging and stress. For the benefit of no one Doreen is made to skip meals all together as to loose weight. Doreen begins to shed pounds. Three and a half one week. Five another. Then nine and a half. She feels exhausted, constantly tired and away from the family, always sleeping, leaving all the work to Earl who is happy to assist his weak and helpless wife, instead of finding a job to help support family and home. Earls priorities are truly twisted, as is his invasive regime for his wife to shed the pounds.
The title 'they're not your husband' is recited within the story when Doreen shares with Earl how her colleagues are commenting about her abnormal weight loss and her unhealthy appearance. Earl assures Doreen that it's none of their business and that "they're are not your husband", therefore she should not listen to their concerns. However Earl does not see that he has already has let other peoples concerns affect his life. Carvers's unique writing gives awareness to the reader about the ways ordinary people may alter their lives for the worse and how they can be extremely blind when on their shallow journey to acceptance.
Earls soon begins to become obsessed over what people think of his wife. He refers to Doreen as 'it' and spends his time searching for approval of his wife appearance, rather than on more important things like his children or a loving relationship. Even spending valuable money on weighing scales to help with Doreen's weight-loss, rather than on the families well-being and financial problem. The story also gives an valuable insight into the lives of the modern day minority and how they listen to others opinions, and alter their lives just to be accepted. carvers writing transports the reader into the dismal but strangely intriguing live of his charters, and brings up strange issues never considered but relevant into the lives of his characters.
In the end Earl goes back into the coffee shop seeking the approval of his wife from random strangers; eavesdropping on their conversation, listening for his wife's looks to come up. Eventually after no luck Earl asks a man next to him what he thinks of the waitresses appearance. He is soon busted for his sleaziness, a waitress asks Doreen who he is. Reluctant and Embarrassed she admits it's her own husband. Raymond carver's extraordinary writing allows us to follow the ordinary lives of middle aged nobody's in a harsh but truthfully accurate light.
